The last few weeks have been a whirlwind, which is why you have hardly heard from me. I've been working 4 days a week and absolutely love being back at school, it's been incredible, getting into some sort of routine, seeing young teenagers chase me in the playground and say 'AJ, I want to be a christian' (yes, seriously!) and being able to tell of young people of the reality of life and death and tell my students of the peace that my mum had when facing death. What a testimony. BUT, oh... my... goodness it has been exhausting, grief is exhausting...
When I'm not at school, I'm with this guy...
.my.dad.We hang out quite a bit, I see him every day. I have all the time on the planet for him. We go out for coffee, have daddy daughter dates, we take Molly for walks, I make him dinner at Kim and Beth's, he comes over to my house for dessert, we travel and we cry together - just to name a few things!
This guy is amazing and so precious. He must be going through the most horrible thing on the planet at the moment and he has every reason to not get up in the morning, but he does! Go him! What a great man of God ... he just keeps on going!
I'm not going to say this road I'm traveling is easy, it's hard, very hard and people seem to treat me now like everything is back to normal. It's not. I snap easily, I cry when I feel anything more then everyday pressures, random things upset me, I find it hard to make decisions... that wasn't AJ before my mum got sick and passed away. Things have changed. But, that's grief. But, I also know who I am still. I'm still God's precious daughter and want to serve him wholly and completely. God gives me grace each second of every minute of every hour of every day, I need it, now...more then ever.
I'm not going to say this road I'm traveling is easy, it's hard, very hard and people seem to treat me now like everything is back to normal. It's not. I snap easily, I cry when I feel anything more then everyday pressures, random things upset me, I find it hard to make decisions... that wasn't AJ before my mum got sick and passed away. Things have changed. But, that's grief. But, I also know who I am still. I'm still God's precious daughter and want to serve him wholly and completely. God gives me grace each second of every minute of every hour of every day, I need it, now...more then ever.
Each Thursday since my mums funeral I have continued to go to our youth and young adults prayer meeting from 6:30-7:30am at our church. this is where we pray for our town and the incredible people in it, followed by coffee at the Coffee Club, where beautiful Helen the proprietor serves and makes us the best coffee on the planet! Ever since the funeral I have made this prayer meeting a priority, because in this storm of emotions that I am facing, I know prayer will sustain me, heal me and give me break through as I pour out my requests to God in this season. Yes, you can pray on your own and in isolation, and God will hear you, but I love the discipline of this prayer hour, praying with people I am doing life with is the most powerful thing you can do to encourage a community of believers.
.for.where.two.or.three.are.gathered.together.in.my.name.there.am.I.in.the.midst.of.them..mathew.18:20.
Don't you worry! I've had some fun and exciting things happen as well in the last few weeks ;) will fill you in on those things in future blogs!
Just to let you know, I'm not ready to write about July 29th 2010 yet... I've tried to write it on several occasions, but nothing I write seems the right way of writing it and no words express the broad spectrum of emotions that were felt that day. So watch this space, one day it will be on this blog, but for now...bear with me...
Big love to you all
AJ Xx
P.s It's 9 weeks today since my beautiful mum passed away....
2 comments:
You are amazing to me and very brave.
I *heart* you
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