Sunday after church I go to Bangalow Markets with Shaz and Ruth, I bought the most perfect Oriental lillies, my favourite flower on the planet!! That evening I had dinner with my friends, Annelyse, Aliska and Lizzy.

The next morning, I go to work. The last working day I'd have in awhile, as Tuesday I had the day off to be there when the furniture arrived.

Tuesday arrives, I go for a walk with Molly that morning on the beach, and send these photo's to mum and dad...

.molly.loves.the.beach.

.mollys.first.beach.visit.back.in.ballina.

That morning I have morning tea with my friends Amie and Amalie. We talk girl stuff... I had fun, lots of fun. I then arrive home to meet the removalists at home.

.we.heart.ballina.removalists.

.the.carnage.in.the.garage.

It takes a few hours to unpack all the stuff... so much stuff is left in the garage (it has to go in the garage because my house is full of my furniture!) I do take a few items of funiture inside though :)

I then go meet Lizzy, Annelyse, Ev, Beau and my brother Kim for lunch/coffee. Tht takes a few hours!!

I also pick up a cake on the way home, as I find out that it's Molly's birthday that day.

.happy.birthday.molly.

.4.today.

That evening, I go to our church prayer meeting. I absolutely love going to our prayer meetings. It's not often that I miss one. It's my favourite service of the month, I'm not even joking. Prayer is so powerful, it changes things that seem impossible to change. We pray for all different types of things that night, but specifically they pray for my mum, I stand in proxy for her - our church members pray for strength, healing and wellness over her body. At the end of the meeting, we get together in groups of three's to pray. I pray with my friends, Annaliese and Jess - they pray for me and my mum.

I get home, my housemate Janine and I start to watch 'Packed to the Rafters' - one of our favourite TV shows!! In the middle of the show, at about 9pm I get a phone call, again, a call I thought I would never have to answer or hear the words I was about to hear. It's my dad. The doctors had just spoken to him, I don't remember a whole lot of the conversation, all I remember is him saying, that the doctors have given mum a few days or a even a few weeks to live. I cry. I go into shock. That's bad. Very bad. Very, very, very bad. I tell him I will be up in Brisbane tomorrow. Dad finishes the conversation, saying that, Kim is on his way to come get me for the night, as he doesn't want me to be alone (my dad is pretty amazing organising that! No wonder I'm not marrried!) Kim arrives, it's raining, pouring actually... he hugs me in the front porch. He tell me to go pack, I pack very poorly. I leave, Molly comes too. I am just devastated....

More to come,

Big love,

AJ Xx

After leaving Mundubberra, I actually have no idea what time I arrived in Brisbane. Perhaps 2 o'clock?

I had Molly, so I dropped her at my sister's house, then headed for the Mater hospital in South Bank. My iPhone and google maps did me no good that afternoon, I wasn't supposed to go into the city, but I ended up in there some how?! I must have been a little stressed... I somehow got out of the city, and arrived at the Hospital, my dad was waiting out the front for me.

It was so nice to see him, soooo nice. He took me straight up to mum, 10th floor, room 1016, a private room with ensuite. She was lying there, I was so glad to see her again, she had her pink blanket that some of the ladies from our church had prayed over and sent up. She loved it, it was hot pink. I spent all the evening with her, nothing uber exciting happened, the doctor and nurses walked in and out checking on her. Clare arrived after work (every morning Clare would drop dad at the hospital before work, then on her way home - spend time with mum and take dad back to her house.) Dad was spending all day with mum at the hospital, just sitting there and being with her. What a man!

.the.blanket.mum.loved.

Daniel and Adele arrived at the hospital that afternoon. I think on that Friday evening, Dan, Adele and Clare went and got dinner - dad and I stayed and waited for her kidney specialist to come check on her with not the best news. We left about 9 o'clock that night, went to Clare's debriefed with dad and went to bed. Just FYI, dad did NOT notice Molly limping...

The next morning, dad and I went to the hospital quite early. I needed to get back to Ballina to get back to work Monday, also to be there when the removalists arrived with all the furniture on Tuesday and most importantly go to church. Man, I had missed being in the House, MY church through this tough time. Daniel, Adele and Clare went to the gym that morning, as I wanted to leave from the hospital, so we planned that they would come in around mid day with Molly and I'd leave for Ballina.

That morning, I am so glad I had with my mum. I sat there chatting with her - when she wasn't resting, getting her water, playing Plane Control on my iPhone, reading magazines, texting, and just being there. I knew life was going to be changing dramatically for me the next few weeks and coming months. Later that morning, around 11 o'clock, one of the doctors came in and spoke to us about mum's creatinine levels, what was supposed to be in it's early 100's was now at 372. I knew that was really bad. REALLY bad. Mum said I needed to contact the prayer chain from church straight away. I did. We needed prayer for that creatinine level to go down... there's nothing like being in a praying church. The doctor left. Dad, mum and I sobbed, we then prayed together. For peace, for healing, for strength to come over mum. Mum said she felt like this was the end, that at her funeral she wanted lots of people, tears, laughter and lots of flowers.

I got a call off Daniel, Adele or Clare ( I can't remember!?!) saying that they were downstairs with Molly, I said goodbye to mum hugged her, kissed her and stroked her beautiful soft hands, hugged my dad as I was still crying, walked down the corridor, into the elevator, went down to street level where my sister Clare, (whoever had rung noticed that I was upset) so she met me in the hospital lobby, hugged me and walked me outside. I was devastated. Daniel, Adele and Clare hugged me and talked me through it all. I then left with Molly, sobbing most of the 2 hour trip home. I arrive home, and decide to go out to dinner with my friends Ruth and Shaz, I tell them about the shocking last 3 weeks. It was so good to talk through it with people who just love you and are genuinely care for you and how you are.

The next morning, before church I go to breakfast with my lovely friend Amy - again, I talk through the last few weeks, as I wanted my close friends to know how bad it had been and how it's going to be many tough weeks to come. I text Kim asking him to save a seat for me at church, I arrived just as church was starting. I see my friends. It was so good to see my brother and sister in law after an unexpected 3 weeks away. I loved being in church that day, so much. People were aware that mum was very sick, but at this church service they made an official announcement, (with our permission) Jeff our Senior Pastor made a very respectful announcement about mum's health. Jeff preached that morning and before the service finished he gets his wife Carolyn up as people are worshiping, he asks people around us to lay hands on us and pray. What a powerful prayer it was. I had walked into church that morning, scared, worried, frightened, intimidated, worried, broken and very traumatised from the last few weeks. I remember Jeff praying, putting his hand on my head and all of that stuff, that fear, going. Something broke off me - I left church that morning, feeling very different to how I had entered....

Big love!

AJ Xx

Thanks for stopping by! See you soon...
P.s more pics next post!

How do I feel, you ask?

It's hard to write, and put into words really it is. Like, really. The last few days since I have begun unwrapping to you lovely blog followers has been really difficult, like really painful. I am still in so much shock, sadness, despair and grief. I will never get over losing my mum, and I know it will be a daily process, because she was apart of my everyday life.

I never thought I would ever lose my mum... ever. It never entered my mind that she would never meet my husband (or who knows!?! Maybe she did?!) that she would not be at my engagement party, or my 30th, or not be there on my wedding day. That she would not be there as I dedicate my babies to God or even that she would never meet my kids, or tell me that what I was wearing looks terrible. It NEVER entered my mind, and the thought that she won't be here for those times and the ins and outs of life crushes me.

.the.silly.things.

I have recieved some lovely emails, walls posts and twitter messages since my mum passed away. But there was this one that I recieved only days ago that is precious and it explained exactly of this emptiness that I've been feeling. This is what it said 'I don't believe anyone can fill the void, not even God himself, as there is a big piece of who you are that only your Mum was meant to fill.' Ahhhhhh someone gets me! There is this mum space in my heart that only my mum, Mary Patricia Tyson was ever supposed to be fill....controversial I know, but very true.

.reliable.always.there.mum.

Mum and dad left Sunday afternoon...

We went to dinner at mum and dad's next door neighbours that night , Anne and Doug - what genuinely lovely people (the baptist church ministers too!) we go home, Kirsty and I then decide to take Molly in the car to go get Maccas desserts, Malteser Sundaes! Molly is on my lap with the window down, Kirsty does a sharp turn....then, there is no more Molly on my lap. I look at Kirsty....she stops... I get out of the car Molly is in the middle of the road siting there... poor thing! she limps over to me slowly but I run and pick her up....oh dear! Mum had entrusted me to look after Molly while she is in hospital, and I break her the first night...!!!!! It's ok. We take her home, give her ice cream (just as mum gave it to her occasionally - in a ice cream cone of course!) and for the next couple of days she limps... or maybe even a week! Whoops!

.molly.froths.over.ice.cream.

We spent the next few days packing up the house - by we I mean, Kirsty and I crumbled after the parents left, Adele my sister-in-law took over a lot of the organising, we did what we could - but I went into shock. The removalists arrived Wednesday morning, Daniel and Adele stay to help them, Kirsty and I leave early. Kirsty drove her car back to Mundubberra I drove the parentals car back with Molly... Molly loves a good car trip!

.molly.ready.for.road.trip.

.toilet.break.after.four.hour.no.mobile.reception.part.of.the.journey.

.ok.not.the.best.travel.companion.

The journey back was long! Last year Pastor Chris Pringle visited C3 Ballina, my home church and she gave me a copy of one of her resources 'O Sacred Kiss,O Sacred Call' I listened to this message a couple of times where she speaks of her journey with her friend Helly who battled with ovarian cancer. I was undone. i prayed I worshiped! So thankful she spoke so openly and honestly about her journey through this. God was preparing my heart...

We arrive in Mundubberra aka Fundubberra that night. Danny and Adele arrive a little later. I love Mundubberra and visiting my sister, so to break up the trip I decide to stay another night. The next day I go see Natalie at district Athletic's (go Natty!) and have an aunty date with my very handsome nephew Sammy.

.i.love.this.girl.so.much.

.my.hot.date.sammy.

I stay Thursday night, and leave Friday morning with Molly for Brisbane to finally see my mum and dad...

More to come. See you soon!!

P.S Thank you so much for visiting!!My counter has gone crazy!! I love comments so, feel free to comment!!

Friends ...

I just wanted to give some kudos out to some of my lovely friends today... Some days I get so overwhelmed by what has unfolded the past few weeks, and not a day goes by that I don't get a text/call/coffee date from one or all of these people below. These friends have just been incredible. When I was away for 3 weeks, doing the stuff you've been reading about, I was getting texts/calls daily from some of these beautiful people. They have meant so much to me. Today I just wanted to introduce you to my crew...my wolfpack...

.mrs.amie.

.miss.shaz.&.miss.ruth

.mrs.amalie.

.miss.claire.

.mr.beau.

.miss.annelyse.

.miss.aliska.

This is just some of my peeps. There have been many more people who have texted, fed, flowered and been so kind... too many to put photo's to! So if you're one of those who don't have a pic up here... sorry but thank you for being you! I still love you and think you're amazing! Just ask me out for a coffee and I'll be there!

Thanks for stopping by, see you tomorrow.

The next 7 days in Charters Towers are a bit of a blurrr...

I remember caffeine every day!

.love.

Flowers arrived!

.heart.

I went for walks in the afternoon, and listened to worship music and prayed, prayed, prayed...

.i.loved.these.pink.trees.ask.my.sisters.

.molly.walks.

Daniel and Adele arrived! They drove (yes, drove!) up from Canberra to Charters Towers in two days (about 2500 kms) This was serious...

.daniel.and.adele.brother.and.his.wife.

Kim and Beth organised the removalists and, all of a sudden we were having to pack up the house (the house I had watched mum pack up just 2 months previously) and move everything back to Ballina.

.fragile.iron.toaster.kettle.knives.penguins.ha.

Mum was very sick, all she could do was rest. Mum put her iphone on her ipod dock and listened to the new C3 album 'Send Down Your Love' she worshiped, often. She loved the song 'Here and Now' - you should totally listen to it! I'd hear that song coming out of her room, often. Wow. In the midst of everything, her pain, her sickness, her discomfort, her vomiting she worshiped (I think we can all learn something from this) Through all of her resting she had her faithful bodyguard with her the whole time, what a good dog!

.molly.the.dog.and.the.mum.

Over the next few days, we had two trips to Townsville! Us girls took Clare to the airport to FLY back to Brisbane (a nice 2.5 hour flight) Kirsty, Daniel and I had a 12 hour car trip back to Mundunbberra.

.roadtrip.to.Townsville.with.sisters.

That Sunday mum and dad flew down to Brisbane...

.dad.and.mum.lovers.for.life.

I'm doing a two day working week at the moment. Please be praying as I return to work. Thanks for popping by, I'll update when I can. Big love to you all, return soon for more of my story!

This is where it gets tricky....

We spent Tuesday & Wednesday just being with mum. I went up to the lookout by myself to watch the sunset and feed the wallabies... I enjoyed doing that, I got time to think and pray.

.charters.towers.sunset.=.beautiful.

On the Tuesday I went and visited my dad at his new workplace - it was his dream job. The people he worked with were just LOVELY...truly! I was so happy for him

.library.

.my.dad.and.me.

.funky.modern.dream.job.

I slowly started texting friends, sharing what was going on... it was hard, so hard to tell people, seeing it written was so difficult, I couldn't talk about it, all I could do was text or email. I occasionally answered a phone call. My mum is so special to my friends.

.my.message.to.the.ones.who.needed.to.know.

Wednesday morning, Kirsty and I decided to go see Eclipse... good times... movie was ok, I'm not a real vampire movie fan, but in the midst of everything going on, I just wanted to go do something different.

.aj.likes.eating.maltesers.and.popcorn.at.the.same.time.

After the movie, we went home, mum was in bed, REALLY unwell. Mum asks to go to the hospital. We wait for dad to come home from work, he rings mum's kidney specialist in Lismore, he tells us - mum needs to get to the closest major hospital to get her kidney stabilised (mum had a kidney transplant 5.5 years ago - another long story in itself. If you are not organ donor go to Donate a Life )

That afternoon, I'm sent on a round trip to Townsville, an hour and a half away. Scarey drive. Dad prays the whole way in the back seat, mum and I listen to a Hillsong CD, I worship, she's too sick, but i know she was worshipping. We arrive at the gynecologist, as they suspect it's ovarian cancer. Mum and dad are with the specialist for over an hour. I'm praying and texting a friend the whole time. Mum is referred to a gyno-oncologist in Brisbane. Three kangaroo's, Two rabbits and an owl later, we're home.

.charters.towers.

More to come...

We laughed, we chatted, we cried, we had really bad coffee and we sat on our butts for around 10 hours... it was a really long trip, and would have been longer, but I drove!

At 4:30pm we arrived in Charters Towers, unannounced, as we knew mum and dad would have told us not to worry about coming up. We walked through the front gate as dad came around the side of the house... we all sobbed... a moment I will never forget. I was so glad to be there.

We walked inside (after I battled with the sliding security door!) and there was MY mum, lying on her blue leather recliner, just so, so sick and weak... I cried. I was so happy to be there, so happy to see her, but so sad to see her so sick.

That evening, mum walked us around the garden, no, not a pretty secret garden type garden, but a weirdly shaped hexagonal type, with weeds, red dirt and lots of dry and dying plants....ewww! She wanted to show off her new place.

She walked us around the house, approximately 20 metres, she struggled...severely, I was so scared.

The next day (and week) we sat with her, lay down on her bed with her, cried, got her water, watched telly, did anything we could to make her feel better or more comfortable. I loved just being there with her... such valuable time spent together.

The next evening we went up to Charters Towers lookout. I knew mum loved going there, with Mollly (the dog) to feed the wallabies (that we found out later we weren't supposed to feed) I look back now and think how tired and exhausted she must have been, but she went anyway...

Feeding the wallabies apple...they don't like carrot or bread!

Check out my mum and me... She's hot!